I have recently read Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers and what a great book it is. I'm sure most people would compare themselves to either Michael or Angel.... but me, I compare myself to Paul. In the book, Paul is Michael's brother-in-law. After trying to pan for gold in the mountains, he comes back to the valley and finds that Michael has married a former prostitute from Pair-a-dice. He hates Angel from the moment he laid eyes on her. He always sought to bring her down with his words, actions, and even using her as a form of "payment". As another family moves into the valley, Paul finds himself falling in love with the eldest daughter, Miriam, and convinced himself that he wasn't the right one for her. Michael was, even though he is already married. In the end, as he's planning on moving away. Miriam comes to him and offers herself to Paul so that he will realize that she loves him and wants to marry him and not Michael. As Angel has run away for the final time, Miriam persudaes Paul to go in search of Angel and bring her back. Since he hates Angel, he tries to think of stories to tell Miriam so he really wouldn't have to look too hard. He actually finds Angel, thinking she had gone back to prostitution, and finds out that not only has she done well for herself, she is also helping others who want to get out of that life style. He finds out that he was completely wrong about her and finds that everyone was right about her. That being mad, and cruel, and hateful to Angel was totally in the wrong for him.
I say all that to say this. I am like that. As much as I want to see that good in people, I tend to see their past and want to criticize them for it, not giving them a fair chance to be who God has intended for them to be. Also, it seems like every guy that I've ever liked, I've basically thrown it away because I believe that I am not good enough. I'm just not good enough. Why do I keep telling myself that. I have probably missed out on a lot of great friendships and possibly finding the one that God has for me. I'm not saying I have because I'm not God and I don't know everything, but I can pray for my future husband, where ever he is. As to criticizing others and trying to tear others doen when I should be building them up, this is something I really need to work on. I can give you a couple of examples of times that I have been like that. I can't say simply because I don't want to pin point anyone out.
God, please help me be more like You. Help me realize that no matter what a person's past is, You love them as much as You love me. Help me remember that they are Your children too. Grant me patience and wisdom. I love You and I ask these in Your name, Amen.
